I'm writing this to remind you all (and maybe myself one day in the future) of what it feels like to be a reckless and blessed nineteen year old girl in 21st century America.
I've been drinking a lot of alcohol and smoking a lot of weed, and I voted for the very first time. While I'm at work it consumes me, while I'm with friends they're all that matter. Going to class (or not going) makes me feel guilty for not caring about what I'm learning. But I'd feel like a fool if I quit now. I need a degree and I'm at a damn good school.
I don't go to the gym, I dance and walk endless miles around this city. I don't eat well, but I throw up quite a lot. Oh, and I have a lot of sex. Does any of this count as being healthy? I don't think so.
But, gosh, isn't it great to be living! The stars don't like to live in the city, and I miss them. The point isn't that I see them each night and wonder why they're here, why I'm here, why we're all here. The point is that they are there at all and that is enough.
The world is so large and I want to see as much as I can. And I'm starting to see just how long and how short my life will be. There is a life after being a teenager, but it won't last forever.
keep living, my dearest jackie. you only get one of these life type things... thankfully.
ReplyDeletestay lovely, beautiful. <3
This post, this honesty, this pure expression of true living--it's exactly what I needed to read right now, my love. As I'm being dragged down to the deepest hole of despair and misery while I write my senior thesis, thank you for reminding me that life is, indeed, full of beauty.
ReplyDeleteI know you're enjoying every single minute of it now, and I hope you'll never ever ever stop feeling this way...please keep spreading the joy.
I love you. I missed you.
Lu.