tis the season

Happy Holidays. or should I say Happy Junk Food Season? (I haven't been doing very well with food)

But I'm more stressed out about money than I am about the eating thing. After all, I only started tracking my money about a year ago, I've been tracking calories for 4 years now. doesn't that feel slightly sad to you? that I'm so obsessed with counting calories, but I don't care about myself enough to just lose the effing weight.

I love being home. I love my puppy and my family and the lights and my comfy bed. but I miss the city, and I miss being at college. the last month was spent smoking and drinking and sleeping around, and I want to go back to that. it was terribly unproductive, but gosh, it was fun.
also, I walk a lot less when I'm home. when I'm in the city I probably walk around two miles on the average day. here, everything is too far apart or there is no side walk, so driving is the only choice.

speaking of food

I haven't eaten a bite of anything since yesterday at 2pm. But I'm not hungry, so I'm not going to go out of my way to find something to eat.
The only reason I'm writing this here is because I feel proud. And the fact that I feel proud makes me really sad. I'm supposed to just eat when I'm hungry and try to be as healthy as possible, not find my self worth in how long I can go without food. I don't want to think about this bullshit anymore.