Snoozing in Greece

I came to Greece with two friends, both of whom I had never met before coming to Europe. We are staying on the island of Crete, in the town of Chania.

We have been joking all weekend that the three of us are the sisterhood of the traveling pants. I think I should be America Ferrara because I'm the fattest, but I ended up being Tibby. (lol) we still haven't actually bought the pants, but I'm sure we're going to find them.

In Greece, they give you free alcohol and dessert with every meal (calorie bomb) so we've just been getting drunk the whole time we've been here. Last night we went "clubbing" in the approximately 5 bars and clubs that are open in the off-season. We made friends with one of the club promoters, he was from close to where I live in the US. Long story short, I ended up not paying for anything last night, including the hotel room the promoter got for us.

He called me sexy, and I was so drunk I almost felt confident naked. He was so jacked and gorgeous with this deep tan skin. I have no idea if he has a girlfriend or anything, or how often he does that sort of thing. But whatever. Insecurities aside, it was a good night to be young and on vacation in a warm place.

One night stands are already getting old and I'm only 19. I want a healthy relationship so badly, but I can't imagine that ever happening for me. All I do is sleep around and feel like shit. I'm so insecure that anyone could really have me, isn't that the definition of pathetic?

Also on this trip I wore my very first bikini on Saturday. It is a black bottom and a pink polka dot bandeau on top. I like it, and I'm glad these are the people I'm with for this experience. I don't know if I'll wear it in the states, but at least I own one now.

fleeting

sometimes I feel like I'm beautiful. I walk around feeling like hot stuff, and I believe that I am catching everyone in the room under my charms. But quickly this feeling goes away when I remind myself how overweight I am and how much prettier every other girl in the room is.

Paris made me beautiful

Hi guys, sorry I forgot about you.

Well, that's not completely true of course. I am constantly thinking of things I'd like to write here, but I can never hold onto them long enough to actually put up a post. It's like by the time my I have enough time and my computer has been turned on, it's a lot easier to just not write, and not think, just look and absorb the social hurricane that is facebook and tumblr and every other site that consumes my interests.

I'm getting an internship in social media and marketing, isn't that productive? I didn't really ever want to go into that, but it's exciting to think about. I'm just not sure it's what I should be focusing my energies on right now. But I really don't know what I should be focusing my energies on. I mean, I'm only 19. Why do I have to make any type of decision right now?

(the thought of growing up and having responsibilities makes me shudder and start to cry)

Anyway. I'd like to mention Avy, who left a comment and reminded me that I haven't said anything here in a long time. Thanks girl, I actually got really excited when I saw the ping, cause I adore your blog. I know I tell you this all the time, but someone should make your blog into a book or something.

That's me in Sainte Chapelle, a church for the French royalty that made me cry when I first walked in. I think it's a pretty accurate depiction of how I feel about Paris.

So many things happened this weekend, it's almost difficult to describe. I went to palm sunday service in the Notre Dame and went thrift shopping for fur hats. I was briefly a part of an anti-gay marriage protest (I'm pro gay marriage btw) and got tear gassed. I saw the arc de triomphe at sunrise and smoked weed with parisian ballerinas. No, but seriously, it was amazing.

The whole weekend, 3 days, I think I only ate a total of 1500 calories, and most of them were wine and rum. One of my travel companions spent the whole weekend flirting with me, I think just for his own enjoyment of watching me react. But it's always fun to be the object of playful affection. And then I had two different random French people call me beautiful. I think it's just something they do, but it made me feel wonderful anyway.

I think I've gained a little weight since being in Europe, and I blame that mostly on how much weed I smoke (and the feeling of needing to eat chocolate spread straight from the jar after I smoke.) But I love smoking with my friends here, it feels like our thing to do together, and it makes me see things here differently.