I feel like such a failure!!
pledging fucking sucks. I mess up everything and I don't even know why I'm doing this anymore. Will it even be worth it? it's so goddamn expensive and I need to be saving money right now. plus girls are bitchy and I hate everyone anyway.
I thought that maybe this was my way to have friends and be normal but I can't do this. it's just too much. and it's not like anyone likes me anyway.
oh God. I hate being me so much.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
blurb
i was gonna make a vlog but then i realised that i'm too fat.
ew.
i need to stop eating, honsetly.
i'm pledging a sorority. it's fun but busy.
miss you guys and i miss blogging.
<3
ew.
i need to stop eating, honsetly.
i'm pledging a sorority. it's fun but busy.
miss you guys and i miss blogging.
<3
Monday, February 6, 2012
city of mine
a few things:one- patriots lost. boo :( I really wanted a parade, it would have gone right past my dorm building and I could have watched it from my window. oh well. maybe next year.
two- I ate too much food at the superbowl party. I've had a good thing going this weekend of only eating one meal and I ruined that with the party food. pizza and m&m's are no good for my diet.
three (and most importantly)- I got a mysterious phone call last night from one of the sisters of the sorority I'm rushing. it was cheesy and funny and all "you must never speak of the conversation to anyone." I'm meeting them on a street corner at 10:30 tonight. which means... I fucking got a bid!!! I mean, why would they go through all these theatrics for nothing? I'm honestly shocked that they want me. This will be fun, though.ee
Sunday, February 5, 2012
out all night
Today I find out if I got a bid or not. I'm freaking out about it cause it would mean a lot to me to get into a sorority. I need that group of girls who love me and want to be with me all the time. Plus, I think pledging would be a lot of fun, even if it is super draining.
On Friday night we had a mixer with the sorority's brother frat. All the rushes from both the fraternity and the sorority met up and went together. They had lots of alcohol and it was a fun party. I met a few nice guys and I'm really getting to know the other girls who are rushing with me. Then on Saturday morning they had us wake up early to make valentine's day cards for children in the hospital.
Saturday night we had a cheese and wine party where all the sisters asked us personal questions. It was really nerve wracking- the questions were really difficult and I was having trouble coming up with answers that wouldn't make me look stupid. Then there was a question about your biggest struggle and some girl went before me and talked about how her grandfather committed suicide and I just lost it. I was a mess of tears. Then it was my turn and I talked about the ordeal I went through with my step mother and how much that's made me question my worth.
Later that night I went over my friend's apartment. I smoked pot for the first time and had some more alcohol at his place. Smoking is weird, not sure I like it, but people say it gets better if you do it a bit more. We talked about rushing and all that, but one of my best friends who was rushing for the frat didn't get a bid which sucks.
I hope the sisters see something good in me, but I'm not sure they will. I'm not pretty like all the other girls, and I'm not very smart. I'm fun sometimes, but there are a lot of times when I feel like shit and I just curl back into myself.
I also have to get interviews for the Patriots v. Giants super bowl for the radio show I work for. I can't believe I'm doing what I've been dreaming about. But I'm so hungover...
On Friday night we had a mixer with the sorority's brother frat. All the rushes from both the fraternity and the sorority met up and went together. They had lots of alcohol and it was a fun party. I met a few nice guys and I'm really getting to know the other girls who are rushing with me. Then on Saturday morning they had us wake up early to make valentine's day cards for children in the hospital.
Saturday night we had a cheese and wine party where all the sisters asked us personal questions. It was really nerve wracking- the questions were really difficult and I was having trouble coming up with answers that wouldn't make me look stupid. Then there was a question about your biggest struggle and some girl went before me and talked about how her grandfather committed suicide and I just lost it. I was a mess of tears. Then it was my turn and I talked about the ordeal I went through with my step mother and how much that's made me question my worth.
Later that night I went over my friend's apartment. I smoked pot for the first time and had some more alcohol at his place. Smoking is weird, not sure I like it, but people say it gets better if you do it a bit more. We talked about rushing and all that, but one of my best friends who was rushing for the frat didn't get a bid which sucks.
I hope the sisters see something good in me, but I'm not sure they will. I'm not pretty like all the other girls, and I'm not very smart. I'm fun sometimes, but there are a lot of times when I feel like shit and I just curl back into myself.
I also have to get interviews for the Patriots v. Giants super bowl for the radio show I work for. I can't believe I'm doing what I've been dreaming about. But I'm so hungover...
Friday, February 3, 2012
rushing
I'm rushing. who knew I'd be the sorority type? I didn't.
I went to all the public rush events this week and then I got an invitation to come to the private rush. (I don't understand how all this rush stuff works. like, what's the next part called? and how many times are they going to cut girls before we're in? this is all so confusing!) Even though I got past the first round, I feel super insecure about the whole thing. I don't think I'm pretty enough to get in. it sounds stupid, but honestly all these girls are pretty beyond belief. And the few who aren't as pretty dress really well and are super funny or successful. I am none of these things. gahhh. so much stress!
Someday I want to be like them, pretty and thin with so many friends. I think that's why I'm rushing, so I can eventually become what I see. I'm praying they let me in.
I've also decided what I'm doing this summer. I'm going on a missions trip to the Jersey shore. I cannot wait to go! it's going to be a great experience :) Only thing is... it's the beach. meaning bathing suits. and I do not look good in a bathing suit.
This week was my first week at the radio station. I got into the radio program, (which is my dream job, so I'm psyched) and my shift is from 6am to 9am. Needless to say, I've been getting up really early in the morning. With all my meetings and classes and school work and my job- everyone probably thinks I'm losing my mind. And I probably am. I'm in 6 organizations. what was I thinking when I signed up for all of this?
I went to all the public rush events this week and then I got an invitation to come to the private rush. (I don't understand how all this rush stuff works. like, what's the next part called? and how many times are they going to cut girls before we're in? this is all so confusing!) Even though I got past the first round, I feel super insecure about the whole thing. I don't think I'm pretty enough to get in. it sounds stupid, but honestly all these girls are pretty beyond belief. And the few who aren't as pretty dress really well and are super funny or successful. I am none of these things. gahhh. so much stress!
Someday I want to be like them, pretty and thin with so many friends. I think that's why I'm rushing, so I can eventually become what I see. I'm praying they let me in.
I've also decided what I'm doing this summer. I'm going on a missions trip to the Jersey shore. I cannot wait to go! it's going to be a great experience :) Only thing is... it's the beach. meaning bathing suits. and I do not look good in a bathing suit.
This week was my first week at the radio station. I got into the radio program, (which is my dream job, so I'm psyched) and my shift is from 6am to 9am. Needless to say, I've been getting up really early in the morning. With all my meetings and classes and school work and my job- everyone probably thinks I'm losing my mind. And I probably am. I'm in 6 organizations. what was I thinking when I signed up for all of this?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)