Left out

There's this recurring pattern in my life. Maybe it's not a pattern, just a phenomenon that happens all the time but through my melodramatic lens looks like one. Anyway, there's this thing that happens when I feel like I'm finally confident in a group of friends and then all of the sudden I start feeling really left out. This happened in high school, and then again a few months after I joined the sorority. It's like as soon as I'm confident that I can trust them not to forget me, I start getting left out of everything again. I'm not invited to go out anymore, no one asks me to do things with them.

I found my group, my people, in my roommates this year. We became really close since we moved in together and lately we'd been talking a bunch about getting tattoos together. I know, I know. Friendship tattoos are kinda dumb. But whatever, it was sweet. And then yesterday a bunch of them went on a girls trip out of the city without me. My best friend didn't even bother to invite me. And then they all came home with tattoos.

I feel so juvenile to cry over this. I feel so left out and unimportant. We were all supposed to do this together, it was going to be special. Instead, while they were out having fun, I was alone at home doing nothing but watching Grey's and binging and purging. I've purged a lot the last few days. I just feel so let down by everyone in my life. Sometimes I just really want to lay down and give up, a lot of days I can't seem to figure out the point of living. And it doesn't help that I realize how stupid all these emotions are, how immature I'm acting.