but sometimes I forget.
I've got a perfect body,
cause my eyelashes catch my sweat.
-Regina Spektor, "Folding Chair"
I think I'm better. I want to be skinny still, but the overwhelming desire is gone. I can take a negative comment without opening a pit of despair inside myself and spiraling out of control. The feeling of fullness doesn't have me running for the bathroom. Eating better and exercising interests me more now as a way to be healthy, not simply to look that way.
Maybe this won't last. Maybe old thoughts will come crashing back into my mind and I'll fall into old ways. But for right now, I'm fine. Right now it's more important to do well in my job, to fall in love, to spend time with friends, to make creative things, to make money, to travel. And thank God for that. It's rather boring and sad to be stuck in that awful circle of self-hate and pity and curiously looking for other people who share my interest in self-destruction. After nearly ten years of that, I think I'm ready to move on and try something new.
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