Been spending too much money, eating too much rich food, wasting too much time reading novels and watching tv shows, drinking too much alcohol, giving too much time to boys. Never working. Never doing anything for anyone besides myself. No wonder I feel like such absolute crap.
To be the thing you have to do the verb. I went to journalism school and learned there that I have neither the motivation nor the dedication to make it in that field. It's hard work, nerve, and creativity. I am too lazy. So hundreds of thousands of dollars later I have a fancy private school degree and almost no impressive work to show for it, precious few connections, and no job prospects. None of this would matter if I could just get my shit together and create something of my own. In this modern internet world I don't need a job at a paper or a station to publish anything. But I'm too afraid to try, to lazy to work at it.
Now here I am, a volunteer teacher in a foreign country. I'm behind on submissions for my TEFL degree, and it's been gnawing at me like overdue school assignments used to. I did a horrible job teaching this last semester, simply because I failed to properly prepare and do the work necessary. These kids deserve more than what I gave them. I can do better. I will do better.
It's not January yet, but I'm making a few resolutions for the new year now.
1. Make lesson plans, or at least outlines, for every class
2. Create something every week. (interview someone, write an article, draw, knit, audio postcard, etc.)
3. Do nice things for other people
4. Less small talk, ask more interesting questions
5. Do my best to always tell the truth even if it's more comfortable to lie
6. Mindfulness
7. Consider the consequences more
8. Stay in contact with college friends
I need to make resolutions like that.
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