Rock bottom isn't a place I've seen, at least not yet. But I felt a little closer to it yesterday. Most of it I spent alone, wandering Boston eating everything I could think of and vomiting it back up before the magic 1 hour mark passes. I don't know if this is true, but in my head at least, the stomach doesn't start doing anything with all that food until about 1 hour after it's eaten.
Instead of class (which I don't really like to attend anymore) I went to go smoke with my friend. He and I have been friends only for a few weeks, but he's a really nice guy. Yesterday I had to finally tell him we can't sleep together anymore. It hurts me too much to sleep with someone who doesn't care about me and who I don't care about in that way either. We had that conversation and things were fine afterwards, at least until his roommates came home. They're all acting majors, and they're too much personality for me to keep up with. I freaked, and left in a hurry, I'm sure they noticed.
Thats when the wandering an eating started. And so much purging. My stomach muscles are actually sore from all of it. By the end of my day I was exhausted and sad. I ended up at a bar with my friends, and only 3 beers later I was vomiting again, not by choice though.
My current idea is that I was so low on electrolytes that my body just couldn't do it anymore. It was so embarrassing to lose control that way. And it almost scares me enough to call for help.
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