Lonely

Normally I live with 5 other girls, but last night I somehow had the entire house to myself. While some people might call that heaven, I was distraught. I turned on all the lights in the house, a movie on my computer. Then I poured a glass of wine and made a piece of toast. For the third night in a row I cried myself to sleep, overwhelmed by the loneliness. 

When I woke up at 7 this morning I walked through all the rooms of the house, looking for signs of life. No one. Turned on the shower, washed out my hair, and wailed ugly sobs to the empty house.

My time in Boston has been marked by extended periods of time spent walking the city alone. I shop and look at things, eat in cafes, listening to music and podcasts and books in my headphones. But I'm always alone. Of course everyone needs their alone time, but sometimes do much of it can be suffocating. Don't call me crazy, but I'm looking forward to when I have a husband and babies to look after, to keep me from being all alone. 

None of this is what I want right now, I want to travel and establish a career and do so many things before I settle down to raise a family. But oh, to have people I love to call my own and to come home to each day.