Useless

I'm a teacher now. A neurotic, self-conscious, under-skilled, over-educated kid who is for some reason entrusted with molding young minds. This was not a good idea.

The reason I signed up to do this program was to travel, and to escape from a life I didn't like back in the States. But, to my surprise and disappointment, I am still the same person I was, just in another country this time. I am still lazy and unable to complete any of the projects I dream up. The staff and students at this school must be so disgusted with me.

desayuno- cafe con leche y dos rebanadas de platanos amarillos
(breakfast- coffee with milk and two slices of yellow plantain)

Then I had one class for the morning, half of which was students doing a pointless worksheet. After the worksheet I had no idea what to do so I let them run wild. They gossiped and played on their cell phones and horsed around. I feel terrible wasting their time this way, but I'm paralyzed. I have no idea what to teach them or how to keep them interested. When I speak to them I am so nervous I am shaking. Really I shouldn't be nervous at all, I could be speaking in gibberish and it wouldn't make a difference, they can't understand anything but the most basic of English phrases. But still, with all their eyes on me like that, I lose my cool (as if I had it to begin with) and start to stutter and stumble over everything. I can't fucking do this.

Now lunch time. I made mango juice and my host mom is making lentils and rice. At least it's healthy, if a bit more caloric than what I should be eating. I'll try to write again later, dear reader. If you exist, which I'm pretty sure you don't.

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Later...

In my afternoon class the teacher asked me if I "had gotten heavier" since I arrived. Then later the same guy told me "Yes, see you tomorrow. And enjoy your dinner, but don't eat too much." FML. I know it's a Colombia thing, they don't have the same sensitivities about weight that Americans do. But still. Ouch.  (and for the record, I've actually lost weight since I arrived here in Cartagena.)