freaking out

all that bullshit I've been writing about not going on a diet? yeah. that's over. I don't know why but I suddenly feel sickeningly huge. I think it's time to do SGD again.

there isn't going to be a scale in europe, so I figure I can surprise myself when I get back with all the weight I've lost. (at least that's the version I'll tell myself. in reality I'm panicking at the thought of not being able to weigh myself everyday three times a day)

currently I weigh 146. there are nine days until I leave for europe, and by the last time I weigh myself I MUST weigh 143. (I know I lose very slowly)

foods I can eat:
-grapefruit, clementine, tangerine, orange
-apple, grapes, berries
-lettuce, onion, carrot, celery
-chicken, lean beef, fish, shrimp, crab, lean pork, turkey
-olive oil
-peanuts, almonds, walnuts, cashews
-greek yogurt
-unsweetened tea
-chicken soup (no noodles), chili
x NO PROCESSED CARBS (which includes sugar, ladies)

and for those of you who forget (or have never been self-hating enough to go on the SGD) it goes like this:
-you must do 30 minutes of cardio per day
-fruit and vegetables do not count towards daily calories
-any extra calories must be burned off in cardio

So if we count today as day one:

b-grapefruit (x)

l- pasta with oil and cheese (440), sweet tea (120)

s-pretzels (80)

d- small helping of chicken &veggie stir fry (200)

total- 840

and today is supposed to be 400, so I'm going to have to burn 440 calories in cardio.... that's a lot. (and just to whine a little bit, it's really cold outside, so it's really going to suck if I want to do anything on my bike or running or jump roping. maybe I'll do zumba in my room?)

idk how I'm gonna do this today, but I'll be so much better tomorrow since I'm thinking about it.

the point is though, I'm going to lose weight. I'm going to be my summer goal of 125 by the time I get home in April. (we'll see how challenging that will be in europe) and then over the summer I'll keep at it and look super hot when I go back to boston in the fall. 

goals:

-Jan. 16 143

-Apr. 17 125

-Jun. 12 113

-Sep. 1 108

and hopefully by my goal weight I'll also have been working enough to be able to afford new clothes. I know I've made lofty goals like this in the past and failed, but this time I want it more. and I know to save my calories for when I'll be eating with people or when we go out for drinks.

also, another motivation for this, my roommate next year weighs no joke like 85 pounds, so now I'll at least be a little bit closer to being able to share clothes with her. she's naturally very small with a small frame, and I think if I worked really hard, I could be smaller than my sister who has a medium frame.even though I'm way fatter, we're still close to the same size with all her muscle.

wish me luck in my burn-a-thon tonight. I'm going to need it.