dirty talk

After I wrote that last blog post, I took 3 strong laxatives and then went to dinner where I ate my vegetables and drank my water and moved my food around. It was depressing to know that some people can eat and feel confident that they will still be loved in the morning.

Then I told my friends I wouldn't go out with them, I was staying in to read my assignments and go to sleep early. Of course they pulled me out again with them. I always end up going out when I tell myself I won't.

The bar was fun, like usual, it was crowded and the Americans were loud and the Dutch were quiet and watchful. The boys wait for us to start talking to them and then they buy us drinks. But last night, there was one guy who actually pursued me. Like for real. As if I was actually worth the effort. I was watching his friend play the slots game, and he came over and started telling me about how he always plays and always loses. Then we flirted, which for me is basically smiling, asking questions in a higher-than-normal-pitched voice, and making eye contact when I twirl around dancing with my friends. He touched me a lot; my hair, my waist, my hands. He whispered dirty things in my ear and tried several times to buy me drinks.

One of our student affairs guys (kind of like camp counselors but for study abroad) was there buying everybody beer and shots, and this afternoon he asked me if I went home with the guy. I told him no, and the student affairs guy said, "good, they are like the lions waiting for prey."

I drank only one beer, but I threw up three times when I got home. I think it's because I mixed alcohol with the laxies. I don't know. Plus there was the normal laxies problems in the morning.

I'm still pretty sad, but I think I'm going to find new people here. I need new people, because these girls make me feel even more terrible than I already do.