I remember once in my first semester of university I had a terrible binge day. I walked to get a bagel from the on campus cafe. I ate it and immediately wanted more. I was too embarrassed to buy another so I walked two blocks to a bagel shop. The store was closed so I walked back to campus and then another 3 blocks in the other direction. I went to a different bagel store and bought 2 bagels and ate them in under 5 minutes even though I had gotten a different order than I'd asked for and didn't even like salt bagels. I then walked back to my dorm room and ate a full bag of chips. Then I cried and berated myself and looked at thinspo. I took around 10 laxatives and went to sleep early. The next day I felt terrible and slept and watched movies and vowed never to binge again. That afternoon I ate a full bag of gold fish crackers, 3 granola bars, and a full bag of gummy bears.
I think those were some of the worst days of my life. I wish I could say I've gotten better, but I haven't.
I seriously understand. I liked this post because of it's reality, but despite the small size of it, it was difficult for me to read it all because it hit home.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are feeling slightly better :)
"I wish I could say I've gotten better, but I haven't."
ReplyDeleteTime changes everything... or nothing. :(
I've done the same thing - driven to Tim Hortons for an egg white breakfast sandwich, then gone to McDonalds for an egg mcmuffin, then to a different McDonalds for a coffee and carrot muffin. Plus the bag of chocolate clusters bought at the supermarket.
So gross, and you know you should just stop, know you are going to feel awful, but you just want the taste of it SO BAD.
I wish I could say I didn't ever do this anymore, either. :(