Each time I think of posting, I think but I just did that. And each time it has been more than a week. I miss posting regularly, and it's nice to be able to look back on. The trouble is that looking back makes me so sad. When I remember things in terms of time, last semester or October 2012 I tend only to remember the good things, the big things. Reading old posts brings back everything, the heartbreaking depressingasfuck details of my everyday life.
I'm so tired, and my legs are sore. But I'm excited to be thinner. I will be thinner, it's summer and I'm focused. I've been kicked out of IOP (my outpatient program) for poor attendance. Not that I was actually making any efforts towards getting better. Yes, I puke a little less now, but I'm also able to eat far fewer calories now that there is more sunlight and less self-hatred.
Actually, the depression isn't that bad lately. I'm feeling okay. I'm tired and missing having a man in my life, though. I'm seeing a therapist now, but I still have to find a nutritionist. Well, I guess I used to have to since that was a program requirement but I guess now that I'm not in IOP I don't have to find a nutritionist after all. Oh well. I think I'd just like to get very sick. Move into the land of thin and restriction, control and constantly getting smaller.
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