Cycle 2 Day 1

Welcome to all my new followers! I suddenly have 24, a huge boost :) thanks guys, you make me feel so special! warm and fuzzys to everyone who takes the time to read this, and all the support you all give me. you guys rock!

I'm in a picture-y mood today.... oh thinspo, why can't I just be you?

I'm kind of being anti-social a bit lately. I don't really have anything to say, and when I do talk I regret it. sigh.I don't know what it is, I guess my moods have evened out to just plain melancholy for the past few weeks. It's better than crushingly sad, but I'm looking forward to happiness.

Someone in school called out my name, wanting to know how my weekend was, and I realized how long it had been since someone had said it in a way that they meant me and not just me who happens to know when the test is. People know my name, it's a small school, but I'm such a nobody that hardly anyone says it anymore. I'm still waiting for that lovely guy who loves to say it, who can't get it out of his head.

I can't wait to get out of this town and out to college! I'm going to college in Boston next year and I'm super excited. out of this little town (yeah, it's pretty and nice, but these same old people are getting to me) and into the city! I'll be far enough for independence and close enough to come home when I really need to.

okay so looking at my intake, I did terrible. but my exercise today was stellar, so I was still slightly under SGD day 1 limit. woot woot!

okay my work out for today was some intervals for the upcoming track season. I went to the track after i worked with my math teacher (I hate math!!!) here's the workout in case anyone wants to do it:

(btw: the track is 400m around, so 100m is either one curve or one straight)

lap 1: jog 100m, sprint 100m, jog 100m, sprint 100m

lap 2: walk at normal pace (aka catch breath) 200m, speedwalk 200m

repeat

I did a total of 8 rounds, or 4 reps. (about 400 calories)

I also did my calisthenics and 5 minutes of jump rope. so the total today is close to 500

While I was running and wanted the whole time to just stop, I kept repeating to myself my workout mantra "It doesn't matter how slow you go as long as you do not stop" that I got from the wonderful Lu. And I finished. I fucking completed the two miles of pain, and I am damn happy about it! (even if my intake did suck majorly)

I wish I had the strawberries and black berries in this picture... mmmm....

grapefruit

apple

pretzels130

rice cakes 70

lemonade 110

half burrito 100

chips 189

almonds (why????) 270

tea

869

-500

net:369

I'm so glad SGD lets you burn off the excess and not feel bad about it since that's built in. yay!

good luck to anyone starting new diets today or continuing on with one!

simply, Jackie

ps- new blog name, hope it still works for errybody!

projects

I thought I should share a bit of me and my life. well, not my whole life, just my room haha. above is a picture of my favorite pair of shoes. they define me. it's sparkle, but not crazy. cool and not super out-there, but definitely not ordinary. I love them <3

the reason I wanted to write this post is this project I did yesterday before my 4 hour rehearsal for the school musical. I made this clothes line type thing to hang pictures and cool things from. I love it. it turned out so well. it fits my room pretty well, too.

 my book shelf above my desk. see my hot air balloon? isn't it cute? haha it's one of my favorite things ever :)

 


these are my paintings (well, some of them, these are the ones that went well in my room). the dress form I got from my cousin who works at a yarn store. it's the best, I usually put different scarves and stuff on it, but I left it naked today. cute, huh?

Anyways...
I've been doing well with eating this weekend. no real structure, but I'm doing about 800 calories everyday. thank god tomorrow is SGD day 1! So far it's just me and Ariana, but anyone else is free to join in. I posted the rules last time I did it, but I'll post them again.

rules:

eat as much fruit and veggies as you want (and don't count it)

work out 5x a week (30 mins per day)

extra calories  must be burned off in cardio

I think I can do a ton better this time. I'm getting a lot of exercise, and I've gained a lot of self control since the beginning of cycle 1

I'm definitely going to keep a better log of totals and nets this time too.

good luck to everybody this week :)

So Close

My goal for today was 800 total and 600 net. so close! i got 790 total and 640 net. whatever. 40 calories never killed anyone right? right?!
lol trying to stay positive and not beat myself up...
I'm addicted to rice cakes. they are so good. i love eating them while drinking tea or orange juice (haha orange juice is not a good choice cal-wise but I <3 it) I had 4 today. one for lunch (with an apple and carrots). 2 for snack with a cup of tea, and one for "dessert" with some orange juice. I was bad and had pizza bagels with my sister and her friends for dinner. they're 50 cals each. I had 4. oops.
I only did dance rehearsal today (I am the worst dancer in the history of forever, just so you know) and 10 minutes of calisthenics. I've started calling them calis*thin*ics in my mind. clever, eh?

I've started to hang out with this girl Kelly from England a lot recently. I like her, she's cool. But she is gorgeous and I cannot handle it. plus, she's got the accent. kill me. only thing is,  besides the pretty-complex I have about her, she gossips a lot. and it's mean gossip mostly. I don't mind a little, but she talks trash more often than most. I worry that she talks about how ugly and annoying I am behind my back. she probably does. ouch :(

I had a moment in the bathroom today. I hadn't even eaten anything yet and I looked in the mirror and just burst into tears. Thank God no one else was in there. it was just one of those times when you absolutely cannot bear to be stuck in your skin for another moment. I just hate me. how did this happen? why can't I just be one of those fat girls who loves herself even though she's butt-ugly? no, I have to be one of those depressed ones who's going on a crazy diet. of course.

On a happier note, I am adoring all this love I've been getting on the past few posts! thank you all so much. You guys really take a bad day and turn it into a good one. thank you :)

stay strong this weekend, girlies!

warm and fuzzy

thank you for all the kind words on my last post. It's so nice to feel so much love. I love that you guys are there for me. it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy :)

I'm exercise crazy. I did a ten minute hard-core circuit in gym class. then I stayed after school to do the elliptical machine. it was so much fun!! I did 20 minutes and 1000 strides. I got 210 calories burned too! 

did alright on calories today. but not stellar. I fell for the cookies... ooops. got 1035 calories today, but it was only about 800 when you subtract the exercise. I feel good about this because I ate pretty healthy (minus the cookies). I had a lot of fruit, some veggies, rice cakes with the delish 35 cal cheese that I;m in love with, and tea. I think tomorrow I'm gonna try and stay under 600 total calories and 400 net. I can do that. It'll be fine. 

I love reading all these blogs. you girls are all so lovely!

I wish someone could even lift me. lol I weigh too much atm. but maybe 

someday I'll have a beautiful love like that  :)

new tabs (check 'em out)

I spent last night writing my about me and my other two new tabs. I cried so much. writing about my mom is both cathartic and makes me cry really hard. I skipped a lot between when my mother died and when my dad got remarried because I don't want to think too much about that part of my life. It's really just a painful blur with a lot of images of me crying over how much I hated myself. A lot of mean kids and ugly pictures that I throw out now. When ever I see a picture from that era of me I look the other way. I don't want to remember the ugly years.

You don't have to read the whole thing. but it helps you understand who I am and why I'm here.

~

I woke up this morning not even hungry. does that ever happen to anyone else? I wanted that grapefruit though, haha I even had a dream a bout it. But then when I go down stairs, guess what? the grape fruit was gone. that's right, I said it. the grapefruit was gone! I think my sister ate it. but it might have been my dad. grrr...

orange juice

apple

apple juice

half turkey sandwich (180)

wheatables (200)

rice cakes with peanut butter(258)

pasta (134)

1 oz steak(85)

bread (90)

running (115)

walking (200)

calisthenics (40) 

947

- 355

net = 592

so not terrible today. I'm really proud of my running. ugh I'm sore...

but I did fall into the trap of the pb& rice cakes. oh well.

my new motto is something I got from the beautiful Lu.

"It does not matter how slow you go as long as you do not stop"

If I mess up, I'm just gonna keep going. I can push through this. I can keep on running to the end.

V (ex boy friend) has been messaging me a lot in the past few weeks. I broke up with him for image reasons. I don't know if he's getting really lonely or if he suddenly feels attracted to me again. whatever. all I know is that I can't let a repeat of this summer's insecurities happen. bleh.

I don't know what I'm doing diet wise the rest of the week. I had this plan on monday to do this super restrict the whole week, but I don't think that's going to work. I think I'll just focus on running and avoiding junk at all costs.

good luck to all you ladies tomorrow! xoxo

First Fast

I said in my last post that I wasn't going to fast today. But I looked at my lunch and decided that it wasn't worth it. I want to be done with this fast today! I've had 3 cups of tea today (I'm saying that they don't count since they're zero calories even if some people would count that as cheating. whatever. I like tea.) and a lot of water. The trick will be pretending I'm asleep when dinner time rolls around. I know the food smell will come wafting down the hall and up the stairs to taunt me.

I've decided that fasting blows. I mean, who likes this terrible temptation all the time? every food looks ten times as yummy and I want to break fast so badly. I have this terrible light-headed feeling and my vision is getting increasingly blurred. it's the same feeling as when I don't sleep, it's terrible. have I said the word terrible yet? terrible

^what I want so so so badly right now.... i miss food.... (hahah i'm the biggest baby, one day and I'm already going insane)


but the reason I'm doing this is because I need to finish SGD cycle 1 (yeah, Ariana is right, it sounds like ANTM.... hahah. I wish I could be like them, but alas, I am stout me) on a strong note. And fasting is supposed to be good for your metabolism or something right? Most of all though, I want to be pretty and skinny so bad. I have this feeling that it's never gonna happen, but I want to be thin. kdlgvaw;dvjoaevnuowair  I wish I was skinny and pretty!!!!  Prom is a little more than 4 months away, and I need to be a size 6. need to be a size 6.

yeah, I know a lot of you are thinking that it's pathetic that size 6 is my goal. 

but I'm seriously the fattest girl in the whole world. 

I wish it were tomorrow already so I could eat that grapefruit that's calling my name from the refrigerator.

truly yours,

a huge hater of fasts and lover of food

edit:

some happy thinspo. oh tumblr, i love you.

president's day

hey guys. I never really acknowledge the comments, but I should because they make me feel so much better. I know everyone feels this way, so I try to comment on other people's as much as possible. it's just sometimes I want to write "why are you doing this to yourself? you're skinny and beautiful already!! don't hurt yourself like this!!" but I know that people would say that back to me and I'd never believe it either. So I'm a hypocrite. So when all I want to say is something along those lines I don't comment because I can't bring myself to lie. (haha also I'm lazy and just don't comment sometimes) Sorry for saying this for the zillionth time, but I think it a lot. sighhh...

@Olivia Lee- thank you for the wonderful compliment! I've been following your blog for a while, but I never commented, not really sure why.  I love the way you put together the format and all the lovely pictures. It's very creative. And, by the way, you are amazing at keeping a low intake. kudos to you!



Today was good. I stayed up till 3 am surfing through room mate profiles for next year and chatroulette-ing with an adorable guy from Virginia. He kept saying how pretty I am and "i love your smile" etc., etc. Guys like him are why I keep going on that site. Then I slept in until 2 in the afternoon. normally I hate wasting the day like that, but it was nice to sleep through breakfast and lunch.

I had a productive day. I went running (some of it turned into power walking hahaha) for half an hour, got in 3 miles. I'm super proud of my running though. I made it around the whole neighborhood without stopping (1 mile) and than power walked half, ran half, power walk half, ran half. and, voila, that's 3 miles. I'm a terrible runner so that was good for me. I hope I can keep up with the running this week.

I ate half my dinner and some rice cakes. Then I made chocolate cookies with peanut butter chips for people at school tomorrow. I love baking so much, except for that I usually end up licking my fingers at the end and succumbing to the  delicious smell of the cookies and tasting one. I think I had about 200 calories worth of unbaked and baked cookie. that put me at about 600 for the day- 200 over my SGD limit boo :( I did about 15 minutes of yoga and squats and push ups but I don't think they made up even 50 calories of my over eating. ugh....

Tomorrow is the last day of SGD cycle one!! that means my first real fast. I'm skipping it though because I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that I can't do it tomorrow. I'm going to hate tea for breakfast and a salad (pre-made tonight) for lunch. Then I'll have a clem for snack and I'll take a "nap" to get out of dinner. so that way I'll be under 100 at least. I'm pushing the fast off until wednesday. I just know for some reason that tomorrow will fail. I'll do a true fast on wednesday and call that the end of SGD.
rest of the week until monday when SGD cycle 2 starts-
t-100
w-fast
th-600
f-400
s-500
s-500
(subject to change)

anyone who wants to join in on SGD cycle 2 can feel free! It's a good diet, I think. It's varied and gives some forgiveness with the ability to make up over eating with cardio. plus, fruits and veggies aren't counted. yay! let me know if you're in :)

have a lovely Tuesday! xoxo