new tabs (check 'em out)

I spent last night writing my about me and my other two new tabs. I cried so much. writing about my mom is both cathartic and makes me cry really hard. I skipped a lot between when my mother died and when my dad got remarried because I don't want to think too much about that part of my life. It's really just a painful blur with a lot of images of me crying over how much I hated myself. A lot of mean kids and ugly pictures that I throw out now. When ever I see a picture from that era of me I look the other way. I don't want to remember the ugly years.

You don't have to read the whole thing. but it helps you understand who I am and why I'm here.

~

I woke up this morning not even hungry. does that ever happen to anyone else? I wanted that grapefruit though, haha I even had a dream a bout it. But then when I go down stairs, guess what? the grape fruit was gone. that's right, I said it. the grapefruit was gone! I think my sister ate it. but it might have been my dad. grrr...

orange juice

apple

apple juice

half turkey sandwich (180)

wheatables (200)

rice cakes with peanut butter(258)

pasta (134)

1 oz steak(85)

bread (90)

running (115)

walking (200)

calisthenics (40) 

947

- 355

net = 592

so not terrible today. I'm really proud of my running. ugh I'm sore...

but I did fall into the trap of the pb& rice cakes. oh well.

my new motto is something I got from the beautiful Lu.

"It does not matter how slow you go as long as you do not stop"

If I mess up, I'm just gonna keep going. I can push through this. I can keep on running to the end.

V (ex boy friend) has been messaging me a lot in the past few weeks. I broke up with him for image reasons. I don't know if he's getting really lonely or if he suddenly feels attracted to me again. whatever. all I know is that I can't let a repeat of this summer's insecurities happen. bleh.

I don't know what I'm doing diet wise the rest of the week. I had this plan on monday to do this super restrict the whole week, but I don't think that's going to work. I think I'll just focus on running and avoiding junk at all costs.

good luck to all you ladies tomorrow! xoxo