Sunday was better than Saturday, and if I look at net calories than I made it under the 650 limit. Not so hard to do when you burn a thousand. If I could ski everyday, I would be super super thin. it is SUCH a huge workout. especially when you go fast, you end up breathless at the end of the trails.
Monday was a total binge. but what ever, I'm not gonna beat myself up this time. i'm just gonna move on and learn from my mistakes.
Today was better. I've been in love with grapefruit the past few days, and it's wonderful. almost no calories, yay! Then I had zero sugar pudding and a clem for lunch (60) and some air-popcorn (25) for snack. then some milk for dinner and pushing around the rest of my food on my plate (110). I love milk. I know it's bad calorie wise, but it's good for your bones and helps with vitamins and all that. so no counting the 4 clems i had today, only 195!
my friends are terrible. well, that's not true. they're actually wonderful. they are all national honors society and peer leaders and they volunteer at the public library and the food pantry. they are in the top ten percent of our class. I only make the top thirty percent. I'm not a national honors society bitch. I'm not a peer leader. I don't volunteer. they're Ivy League. I'm art school.
I'm Jackie, the fat charity case. I know we're only still friends because we've been together since the fourth grade. I can't stand them any more. it's horrible always being the almost girl. almost as good, almost as smart, almost as pretty. almost. sometimes I sit there at lunch, pretending I'm doing homework to avoid eating, and I think how annoying and fake they are. no body is perfect. but they are. and for that, I seem even lesser of a person than I already am. they are terrible because they make me feel terrible.
You're like me, two days away from Blogger and you have blog withdrawals, and there's nothing wrong with that! Everyone needs a place they can come to share their thoughts, feelings, and everyday things with! I commend you for not beating yourself up over Monday's binge! Getting upset and depressed about something that happend in the past won't help at all, so the best thing you can do is learn, and move on!
ReplyDeleteConstantly being around people whom society deems as "ever achievers" can be really depressing, especially when they're perfect at everything. I sometimes get the feeling that over achievers "over achieve" because they're trying to make themselves feel better, even though that's not always the case, but that's the feeling I get from people like that. There was this girl Sara that was in school with me since 4th grade and she was perfect at EVERYTHING, just like your friends, and I secertly wish she would get a bad grade on something-anything because she drove me nuts!
But you're not the "almost" girl- I bet your are pretty, smart, and great at tons of things. You just have to discover that ♥