I know. I'm a fucking hypocrite.
but seriously girls, you are all so beautiful. I look at you and wish I could have your bodies and all your lovely features. you succeed at the dieting and the fasting and the exercise. and you don't even need to. mean while I'm failing and I'm the ugliest and fattest person ever.
cold showers burn calories right?
is it screwed up that I take cold showers to burn calories? Am I that messed up that I risk getting sick to lose a pound? Sometimes I wish I had cancer. I've actually always wanted it. Since I was 7 I wanted cancer so that everyone would love me and I could be "brave" and lose a ton of weight. I am a sick sick sick minded person. who does that? who wishes for a tumor and IV's and puking and losing all their hair?
I have what my dad call 'tail spins' I think of one thing which becomes a train of thoughts until I am crying and wailing. and it always lead to me being ugly and fat and disgusting. like how cold showers turns into cancer into me being a terrible person.
writing lists like these make me cry. but they also keep me on track.
fat toes
fat ankles
enormous calves
knees that go in like the people on Biggest Loser
fat thighs
cellulite
huge butt with gross fat girl dimples
love handles
squishy huge disgusting stomach
gross boobs
no visible collar bones
fat neck
disgustingly fat upper arms
fleshy fat forearms
fat wrists
pudgy fingers
fat cheeks
ugly forgettable face
yucky skin and freckles that don't suit me
double chin
Yup. I'm crying like a fat ugly disgusting two year old with severe emotional issues.
I ate 1023 calories today. I am terrible. I hate me I hate me I hate me
today was supposed to be a 400 day. I am such a fucking loser. I have no self control, I'm a terrible friend. I suck. s.u.c.k. I have a bad personality. I am depressing to be around. I loath me.
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