writing to get the thoughts out of my head

I decided to take a page out of tiny intention's page and do a three day fruit fast. that means:

Breakfast - one high carb fruit [ex banana, large pear]

Lunch - one high fiber fruit [ex medium apple, 1/2 cup of berries]

Dinner - one citrus fruit [ex medium grapefruit, orange]

Repeat for three days.

I hope it works to get me out of the 130's soon.

today I had an apple for breakfast/lunch and some cucumber for dinner. I know that's not a citrus fruit or even a fruit at all, but that's what we had in the house. I figure it's all water anyway, so who cares? It feels good to be hungry for a reason again.

I can't think of anything besides stupid boyfriend right now, so if you don't want to read, you don't have to.

Boyfriend rant:

I was just at my boy friend's house. making out and basically doing everything but actual sex. since nobody was home we could do whatever, and whatever turned out to involve no shirts. I know it's good for him, he's always got that goofy thank-you-for-that face after he's done. But for me, it's not so great. he weighs 180 pounds, so even though I'm a pretty solid girl, it's a lot of weight on top of me. his hip bones hit my inner thigh and I've got these nasty looking blue bruises. I have hickeys on my neck. He was fingering me and I'm sore even though that's supposed to feel good. and it did. well, partly it did. 

he came (of course) and I pretended to. the last few times we fooled around he came and I didn't and he felt bad. I think guys have more sensitive egos than girls in this department. I've given head twice, and I kinda like it. it's fun and I get to have all the control. plus it distracts from me not wanting to take my shirt off. but when he tried to go down on me, I refused. I really don't like the way I look and he always says I'm beautiful.  which catches me in an odd place. I shutter to look at myself but he really wants me naked. so him happy, or me happy? this time I chose me, and told him I'd rather he wouldn't.

after we were done (and by we I mean him) I was super light headed and couldn't see straight. when he asked what was wrong and I told him he took that as some sort of compliment. I think it has more to do with not eating and dehydration than him, but whatevs.

I'm making him sound awful. but I think that's only because I'm pissed off and I hurt all over. I love him. and I always have a good time fooling around with him. he really is a wonderful boyfriend. there's just the problem of me leaving in two weeks. that really sucks. we both agreed that we'd break up at the end of the summer, but now both of us have started hinting casually that we'd rather stay together. we both know it would never work, but there's always that nagging 'what if?'.and plus, at the moment, it hurts too much to say goodbye.

I have so much shopping to do and so many people to say goodbye to and all this other miscellaneous stuff I think I'm gonna go crazy. wish me luck in staying sane these two weeks :P