Lord give my strength

At the moment, I haven't got the courage to get up and go. Can't tell if it's laziness or discomfort that makes me so unwilling to leave my home lately. I go to work everyday, occasionally the grocery store around the corner. Weekends I go to the old city to dance or walk around with the boy I talked about in my last post. This city is large and sprawling but I only know a few small corners of it. Too afraid to leave my comfort zone to know more.

A girl I do not like wants to travel with me during our break in October. I do not want to go with her, but I don't have anyone else to travel with. My best friend here is going to the coffee region with her mother. Another friend is going to Medellin alone and I don't want to intrude. I need to figure this out fast and work up the courage to say no to the annoying girl who wants to travel with me. I feel bad, but I cannot stand to travel with her. I'm worried that after I tell her I cannot go with her, I won't figure out something to do instead and I'll end up putzing around my house for a full week. What a waste of time. 

My spanish is slowly improving. Very slowly. I get too embarrassed to say a lot of things at once. So I speak mostly in 4 or 5 word sentences, with a very limited range of topics. I wish I could communicate more with the people around me. I've been seeing Francisco a lot lately. We spent the day at the beach last sunday and went out for a walk around and some juice last night. I really like being with him. 

132lbs, I've been maintaining for a few weeks now. My clothes are feeling looser, but the scale says I've only lost one pound since my birthday in August. I keep telling myself I'll feel more comfortable and social if I can manage to lose weight and look better. People will like me more when I'm skinny and it'll all get easier. But I also know that's crazy. Even when I'm skinny I'll still be shy and full of self-doubt.