bathing suit trauma

we went to target to buy a few things... 300 dollars later, we leave the store. my dad calls it the "target tax."

and we're off to the beach tonight, where I can wear a one piece and my skinny cousins will wear bikinis. I've been feeling a lot more positive lately, but bikinis know how to get me down.

promise to post again when I come home.

and don't forget! be kind to yourself today!

visiting and blogging

proudly I can tell you that I am having far fewer cravings and junk food problems. I went to visit my friend and ate about half of everything given to me.

R

b-oatcakes

l-sandwich and chips

d- chili con carne

F

b- oatcakes

l- 1/3 cup ice cream

d- vegetable & rice stir-fry

s-pretzel thins

okay. so not the most nutrition, but I am keeping the portions small and exercising a lot. I really want to be solidly in the 150's when I'm dropped off at school on september first.

I've also been crossing lots of things off my to-do list, which is really nice. each night I make a list of things to do the next day and try to stick to it best I can. it's actually a really satisfying way to organize the day. I've always been a list person, but lately, the lists are really going well.

only thing I don't like is my shopping list. there's so much on it and not much money to cross the things off. hum bug.

the friend I saw, the one I mentioned is going away to Scotland, is leaving in only two weeks. I'm vary sad that she'll be so far off, but excited that she gets to have such an amazing experience. we have plans to meet up in the spring when I'll be studying abroad in the netherlands. we talk about going to paris together, but I'd also like to go to munich or berlin or something with her. she's the best person I know to go to a museum with; she has amazing takes on things and really witty commentary.

who likes blog lovin'? I just started using it to follow more exercise and recipe blogs, and it's lots of fun. I think I want to make another, more public blog, one that my family and friends can read. I'd like to post links to my favorite recipes and workouts and all the pretty things I buy and make. but maybe I'll wait until I'm at a lower weight, one where I'm not embarrassed to post pictures of myself. 

more ways to reach me

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upbeat

almost a good day. the calorie limit was 500, but that is clearly too low for a normal person, so I didn't make it. I don't hate myself for not making it, but I still wish I could have.
b- egg whites (75)
l- greek yogurt and wheat germ (190)
d- apple and popsicle (106)
s- fiber one bar (140)
cheat- tortilla chips with barbeque sauce (230)
my sister says I'm weird because I don't like salsa. I like to dip my chips in barbeque sauce. I know it's not as healthy, but I never have more than a teaspoon, I swear.

but the exercise was great. I did a half an hour of jump rope and jumping aerobics, which had me dripping in sweat. seriously. it was disgusting (...disgustingly awesome!) half an hour doesn't sund like much, but according to my fitness app, it burned 310 calories. I was jumping around in my garage and the little neighbor boy was staring at me, very confused. after all that I went for a short bike ride (-55), mostly to enjoy the wind in my hot face. biking is a great cool down in that way. so the net calories today are 377, which makes me very happy.

I'm going to see a friend tomorrow who is very shy but very smart. I love her, so I'm sad that she's chosen a university all the way in Scotland. it's called St. Andrew's, and she told me it's where Prince William and Princess Kate went to school. which is pretty cool if you ask me.

I also finally finished another post for my father's website. It was one of the most research intensive, I think I have like 10 sources on the dumb 500 word article. but whatever. I also applied for an internship today and scheduled 2 interviews for jobs at my school. I am not going to be poor this fall. I am going to get a job, if not two jobs, and be the most productive and financially stable person ever. I can do this without relying on my father for everything. I know I can.

okay, this post is getting boring. so here's some pretty pictures:

cheers to a good tomorrow,

jax

double

I went for a long power walk with the dog this morning, an hour with many hills. I had planned on a run, but then it was so muggy I wimped out.

my diet was okay, but I did have some junk. I'm just glad I ate nothing after 6pm.

then I did the nightly bike ritual of listening to an hour long program while I bike long rambling circles around the neighborhood. I hope the double cardio pays off.

day 22- lowest weight and the reason you gained
I was at 134 last august (that makes me so depressed) and then I went to college. I actually got down further briefly. I was somewhere between 127 and 130 for like 2 weeks. and then I got really home sick and started binging with no control. I gained until I got to 150 by the end of the year. I then added another 10 in may and june, just because I was home all day and feeling lonely and sad. I started losing again in july, and now I'm at 154.

nap time

I visited my grandparents today with my dad. I always love to see them, but this time it was sad. my grandfather is reaching the end, his lungs are failing and he seems quiet and more withdrawn. for 85, I think he is the cutest old man ever. technically we aren't related, but he is the only grandpa I ever had. I really hope he makes it to 86 next may.

after the visit we went to a cow poo stinking farmer's grocery. I chose items for a killer salad, plus some yummy fruits for the rest of the week. I like going to smaller groceries, it feels like we're being healthier and somehow helping the town a bit more.

but then I had a four hour nap. yes, a four hour nap. I fell asleep at 1pm and then woke up at 5, angry that I had fallen asleep and wasted the day. at least I didn't eat an afternoon snack, though. I guess.

as I said in the last post, I was going to try and give myself one bad thing per day to try to halt the binge problem. today it was chocolate chips cookies. I wish I would have gone for something less fatty, but hey. maybe tomorrow will be better. I didn't do any pilates either, I only did my hour long light bike ride.

I need to find a better cardio. I don't push myself enough biking. I know I should run, get started on the 5k thing, but I really don't feel like it. isn't that a terrible excuse? but I don't want to... so I need to find something else. maybe jump rope? I guess I could do that in the basement or the garage or something. idk, but I need something new. I can't wait for school so I can add the elliptical to whatever else I choose to do!

day 21- clothing sizes

I actually don't know many of them right now. but here are rough guesses:

t-shirt M

bra- 36B

jeans- 8? 10?

dress- 10?

update

four of us had a mini sorority reunion party last night. they all had water ice and pina coladas, and I was good and had water. what was worse is the one girl (who is skinny) was saying how she lost ten pounds this summer. I've only lost six. grr

but don't worry, no cause for alarm, because I did mess up my good behavior from yesterday with a binge today. I had half the container of cookies today because I just couldn't stop my hands from stuffing my mouth. I am such a pig. I'll most likely be up a pound.

I also got the haircut yesterday, even though I wasn't at my goal. wanna see?

the shirt is my new letters that I ordered. i'm excited to have pretty things to wear during rush! (sorry to all of you who don't like greek stuff, I can't help it :/ )

I've decided all this flitting back and forth between good days and bad days is doing me no good (obviously) so I'm going for a more level-headed approach of one bad item each day so that I'm less likely to have a full binge. so I can choose if I want carbs with dinner, ice cream after lunch, chips with my sister while we watch dumb reality shows, or whatever else.

also, I'd like to start training for a 5k. I don't know which 5k, but there ought to be a zillion in Boston this fall.  I did a 10k last year, but I know my endurance isn't up to that after not having run all spring and summer.

forgot about my challenge... oops :/

day 20- favorite diet
my favorite diet is the one I'm on right now, which is the surge diet. it incorporates a ton of exercise and isn't in the starving range for calories. I did SGD a lot last year, but it wasn't really working for me. I was too hungry by the end of week 1 I'd always up the intake which isn't really the point of diets.