Goodnight

So I saw Vishwa today. It was stilted and awkward. Small talk that made almost no sense. There were long awkward moments when I could have talked to him about what we were doing next. But I let the moment go. Over and over again I let it go.

Finally, he was the brave one. As we walked back towards his house and the Mcdonald's where my dad was picking me up, he asked if we were still going to be together. He asked me if this thing, never saying exactly what, was still working. I didn't answer. He asked me if I was happy and I only shook my head. The he looked at me. and for a long moment neither of us said anything. Then I said that it would be better if it was just over and he agreed. Another long moment. Then with this smaller voice he said, but I still want you to be my friend. And this time I agreed with him. I reached for his hand and squeezed it tight. He told me it would be alright and I completely believed him.

Then we walked off to the Wawa to buy orange juice and ginger ale. I was okay, and he was okay, and we were okay. But just as my dad pulled up and I got in the car I realized how much I wasted those last moments. I should have asked him everything I wanted to know. Because in those moments it was okay, we were still in that in between place. Now I won't know for years when we hang out and laugh about the times we vaguely remember and he answers those questions which now hold no weight with answers that he is only half sure of.

It's the end of an era, slightly sad, slightly bewildering, slightly hopeful. I just hope these next few days don't hurt too bad.