Monday, January 16, 2012

please no

I spent Saturday sleeping and throwing up. It was totally disgusting, but didn't hurt as much as it normally does, which was good. I hate being sick, but I'm glad I'm getting over my fear of puking.

I'm back at school. I thought I would be happy to get back, to be distracted and back with my college friends. But I hate it. I don't want to be here at all. I feel ugly and inferior all the time. I miss my home and my family and the school work makes me want to hide under a rock. oh God.

I need to make new friends again, but I can't. because I'm me. I can't escape myself. Or my stupidity. Humor is a sign of intelligence, right? I have none. I can never think of the right words to say, or words to say at all for that matter.

I need a good friend again- someone that I haven't ruined friendship with yet. Thinking about all this I'm going to cry.


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3 comments:

  1. annamariaJanuary 17, 2012 at 8:25 AM

    aw babe, you need to relax and take deep breaths.. you can sure do all that,just one at a time so that they won't suffocate you
    believe in yourself, or even fake it and you will meet new friends and then chose who you want to hang out more :)

    take care,
    annamaria*

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  2. NLJanuary 17, 2012 at 5:49 PM

    aww don't be sad! I know that that's easier said than done, but just try to remember that time makes everything better. This too shall pass! Perhaps join a club (or two!) for something you are interested in? It's what I did, and it's been helping immensely with meeting new people and making friends. :) <3RaeLynn

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  3. Sam LupinJanuary 17, 2012 at 11:05 PM

    if humour is a sign of human intelligence, i should've been fucking Einstein by now. ;) oh. humour. not swearing. gotcha. i think i got over my fear of puking the second i started getting addicted to purging? xD. and baby, you're not 'inferior'. you actually are just as precious as them. if not more because we know you. <3 and we know how hard yo try and what you do. <3 and we love you. try to do something you like. i'm very anti-social right now because of my ED, so...i don't go out with people...because of the food. but i still do things i like to do. maybe incorporate people in it? i once took my sisters out to the swings (i love the swings!) and i made her swing with me. <3 it's nice to involve people in something you love. and if they don't like it, screw them. xD. there's always someone who will though. :) or tolerate it (bestie).

    -Sam Lupin

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