all of it makes me cry.
why can't I stop eating?
I went out last night with my best friends at college. I tried on about 6 dresses before I went to one of my friend's rooms to do my hair and make-up. She's gorgeous. She has Taylor Swift hair and is teeny tiny. She's a dancer and basically exactly who I wish I was. Part of me thinks she hangs out with me because I make her look prettier in comparison. Another girl who came is kinda larger but she's really smart and funny so everyone loves her. She's completely fun to be around. The third girl is seriously the smallest person I know who's my age. She is about my height, but probably weighs abound 60 pounds, no joke. her thighs are smaller than my fore-arms.
When we were getting ready I almost cried when my friend was doing my hair. I can't stand my face. It used to be okay looking about 6 months ago. and then I gained this weight and I look like an enormous failure. I can't stand it.
It took me being completely drunk before I was genuinely happy. I was still aware of how fat and ugly I am, but it wasn't the whole truth in my mind. I felt like I was maybe passable.
But now the alcohol has worn off and I'm back to being aware of how huge and disgusting I am.
I need to lose weight and keep it off this time. I can't live with looking like this. I can't live with feeling like this.
trust me, I know exactly how you feel. I think everyone here does. Sometimes I feel just like you do, like it's all too much and I can't do anything about it. But remember that that's the crazy part of your brain saying those things out of fear, because you CAN do it, and that's coming from a place of hope. And for what it's worth, when I first started following you and saw that photo of you with your new piercing, I was like, DAMN she's pretty. no lie. so even if you don't, I do. chin up! :) <3RaeLynn
ReplyDeletechin up dear. just use those friends as motivation... and remember one day, you'll be the one they are looking at thinking "i wish i was as thin as her." :)
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