nothing, really

Yesterday I flew home from Boston to Philadelphia. It was an easy flight, all things considered. I never had a blip in plans, nothing was lost, and everyone was nice to me. The morning before the flight I woke up in my friend Sam's bed. I went over there to sell him brownies, but of course we both knew it was mostly to sleep with him. He's not great in bed, and he's kind of a weird guy. I don't know why I like him.

When my dad picked me up from the airport we stopped on the way home for lunch and to get groceries. For breakfast yesterday I ate a baconeggandcheese from panera(510), lunch with my dad was  watered down soda and a fancy grilled cheese with crab and tartar sauce (I have spent an hour looking for this restaurant's nutritional information and I can't find it anywhere, so I'm just going to say 700) dinner was pork chops, mashed potatoes, green beans, and a glass of milk (500) I also had a frozen mango pop in the car (60). So it was a bad day for eating, and I didn't purge any of it.

I haven't seen any friends from home yet, but I saw some of my brother's friends which was really nice. And I sold them brownies haha. I haven't smoked at all in the past two days, it's so strange. In Boston I smoke at least once a day lately. I miss it, but I think it's good for my body not to for this week.

Today I didn't eat anything until I had an oatmeal cranberry cookie that my grandmother made for me. I was over her house to help her prepare the food for thanksgiving tomorrow. I also got to hang out with my Aunt Janice, which is nice because she lives so far away in Colorado. My dad is always saying we'll go visit her, but we never have. I hope someday I can see the Rockies with her. When I got home I had pasta and sauce (410), a small salad(31), and 3 slices of bread(225). I also had a mango pop (60) for dessert.

I watched an old Gwyneth Paltrow movie, View from the Top, with my sister and spent the entire thing looking at her incredibly thin body. Seriously her arms and her stomach are amazing, and her legs are miles long. I wish I could look like her, but I know that's completely unrealistic. She's tall and long, two things I'll never be.

Besides the average blip of minor feeling, I've been completely empty of emotion since I left Sam's bed yesterday. It's not that I'm empty in that way, I'm not sad or depressed. I just don't have any strong emotions that have pulled me in one direction or another. I'm so used to being overwhelmed by my feelings that it's strange to walk a long corridor and realize that the whole time I haven't thought a single meaningful thought. Usually I'm bursting with things to say and emotions to express, but not yesterday and not today. I want my old self back, but this is a nice vacation.

I think I'd like to buy a new scale, a digital one. And I need to start making and shopping for all these christmas gifts I've been planning. I have no friends at home, but there are a few people I'd like to see. I want to see Matt, even though I still weigh the same as when I last saw him and I swore I wouldn't let that happen. I also think I'd like to get a tattoo of a sun just below my left collar bone. A small one, a circle with 6 little triangles around it. I drew it on with an eyeliner pen and I really like it. Maybe I should set it as a reward for getting to 120, a weight I think I was last at in elementary school (I'm such a fat kid.)

Wow this is such a long and meaningless post. Sorry you read it all the way to the end.