I don't cry anymore. I must have used up all my tears in my overly tearful past. I haven't cried in a month, I think a new record for me. I teared up after my step mom yelled at me the other day but it wasn't a full on cry like normal. It was just angry tears that I was able to blink away. I think I have replaced tears with a "melancholy" blank expression. I can sit and stare and disappear into my own thoughts until someone calls me back with questions about whether or not I'm depressed. D thinks I'm slipping and Dad wants to send me to a shrink. P of course as always is slightly worried but he knows I'll make it. I think I know that too but confidence can be hard to hold onto when you're overwhelmed with life.
One of my fears is that my situation isn't that bad at all. I'm just not strong enough to deal with it. Sometimes, like right now, it seems like the only logical answer to my dramatic life.
I was so sad today. But I decided to go to the track meet today to watch and cheer everyone else on. Coach hugged me and was really excited to see me. she kept looking me up and down and saying I looked great. I'll take that as a hint to start working out again. Oh Coach.
M was really chummy and he was super sweet to me. I was being all happy and we were teasing back and forth. The best part was that he was following me and talking to me not the other way around. He was genuinely really happy that I came to see him and the team run. He makes me happy but I know I would never date him. He's much too complex. Plus, he would never get the courage to ask me unless he knew for sure that I like him back. And I don't anymore, so it's too late.
I wish I knew you, way back when. I think that we could have been friends.
ReplyDeleteTill the end when we part I will give you my heart, and I promise to love you with all that it is and I promise to be there when ever you need me because you'll always be my best friend.