Doesn't it figure the day I post about not crying I cry myself to sleep and try not to sob aloud on the phone with my friend A. she cares so much about me, but I'm such a godawful friend. She called me and talked and didn't judge. I love her and know that she deserves more than me as a friend. Honestly she's one of the most intelligent and caring and creative people I know. She's got flaws, like everyone, but she handles them with a bit more grace than most. I wish her better than the best in life, and certainly better than me in friendship.
third day of state testing, only four more! wow. how bleak.
D and I spent lunch listening to songs on his ipod, and I felt silly wearing his headphones. Then I spaced out while I was listening to an old and sad song by Eminem. He asked what was wrong and looked so genuinely concerned, it was really adorable but heart breaking. Selfishly I want them to be concerned and worried and give me attention. But the unselfish side of me wants them not to worry and be their own carefree selves. growing up is hard enough without a melodramatic depressed friend who always needs attention and support.
I almost have all my lines down for the play. I just have troubles with act II. Rumors (by Neil Simon) is really funny, but the cast is getting on my nerves. I only wish that P would start coming to rehearsals now and not in two weeks. I miss sitting with him back stage. It was my romance, even if it wasn't real. I love having him around and having him as a solid friend who won't flake out on me, but I don't actually like him that way like people think I do. I guess he would make a nice prom date, but he would never ask me. no one will. (well that wasn't dramatic at all...)
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