John's rehab place is really freaky. There are all these kids who look really messed up. Well they are, but John doesn't look nearly as bad as them. But he still looks kind of shaky. I could see him getting more and more tired as we talked to him. It took forever to get up there and forever to get back, but we weren't actually visiting for very long. He's on a ton of pills. I can't imagine sleeping as much as he is.
I just felt so bad the whole time we were there. At first when we walked in my stomach started churning. Then I felt my heart speed up and my hands and feet went really cold. I could barely look at him for a long time. I just feel so bad because so much of this is my fault. I am the one splitting the family, and I didn't bother trying to make sure he was okay.
I'm just really glad that I don't have to do rehab. It looks awful. I would never want to do that or have counseling all the time. None of it is nearly as glamorous as Hollywood makes it all sound.
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