He Said She Said

P finally called me back. Of course the whole thing is my fault. My fault for the email. My fault that I'm selfish. My fault that I'm not patient or understanding. He makes it sound like it's all my fault and he had nothing to do with it. And I know he's right. He's always right.

I just feel like such an idiot. I feel so defeated and awful. Anything I do would be the wrong thing. I cried my eyes out, so I called Anna for sympathy. But before she could pick up I hung up. If I talked to her I'd only be proving him right. That I'm weak and I need someone to talk to all the time.

What if it's over? I'll never get to be friends with him again. I messed everything up and I have to pay for it over and over and over. Every time I think of him I'll pay for it. Everyone tells me he isn't worth it. That he's anti-social and weird. I know he's worth it and I miss him so much. But maybe he never wanted me in the first place. maybe... maybe I'm needy and annoying to all my "friends". They all just pity me. I need some advil for this headache.