Slip Away

The desire to live is the craving for more. One more sunrise, one more breath, one more Christmas Eve, one more embrace. When deep below the thought process, beneath the conscious mind, a voice is saying over and over again "I want to see, do, hear, experience more. I want to live more." That's what makes life worth living. If I've learned nothing else, I know that the journey is more important than the destination, the work more important the product. But if you have no drive, no destination, how can you possibly have a meaningful journey or a meaningful life? Life must be over when that drive, that craving, has ceased to be a little ditty in your head. If you could disappear without a regret you know that life is meaningless. You are acutely aware that you are toiling without reason.

I don't feel this way today, but I know how easy it is to slip back into that mindset. It is a scarily close cliff to tumble down. When you don't miss anybody in particular, you just know that someone or something is missing, it's easy to feel like there isn't really a purpose to it all. When the only thing you truly crave deep down is for the whole thing to be over, that's meaninglessness. Today I might have drive, but I can let it slip away like it means nothing, and I often do.

As I fight to hold on, it's nice to know that outside my own head, people really do care about me. I'll never be able to bottle it or define it, but I'm aware that it exists. It's like gravity. The only way I know how to fight this is to find a way to care about them, but that isn't the easiest thing to do. When I feel myself start to slip away, I feel them slip away first. But there are moments when I'd do anything to save them, anything to make them happy. I just wish I could feel that way all the time. I wish I always craved life.