this morning I was so proud of myself for being at 147.6. I haven't seen that number since last semester. but then it dawned on me that I was at 130 a little over a year ago. I let myself slip all the way up to 160 pounds by july, something that is just not acceptable.
I've been thinking all day and all of yesterday and the day before that about some dumb guy that I slept with and who has my number but who hasn't texted. I kept wondering why, going over reasons that he would be nervous or that he was following some dumb code or that he didn't want to start anything with me.
but then I saw myself naked in the mirror when I was weighing myself. and now I understand why he didn't contact me, I am disgusting. he spent one night with me, touching my disgusting body, and he can't handle the thought of ever seeing or speaking to me again. he was being nice when he woke up, and realized sober what he hadn't when he was drunk- that I am disgusting. and then he was a true gentleman and didn't kick me out. I commend him for that, and I am truly sorry that he had to see my fat self.
I wouldn't have called me back either.
oh dear..dont think like that..m also in a disgusted state..mentally nd physically..trying to move forward..together we can do it..stay strong..xoxo
ReplyDeleteThat is so utterly sad.
ReplyDeleteThat you would think so poorly of yourself. My heart goes out to you.