Sunday, January 5, 2014

meandering

I read in a few books about this behavior of bulimics. They wander the city, looking for the food that will satisfy them. They eat and eat, purging everything. They have to wander around because they are too embarrassed for anyone too see them eating too much in any one place. I do that. I do that all the time. I did it today, I think I spent over $40 today on food that ended up in the toilet. Such a colossal waste.

Tomorrow I have my appointment with a therapist. I've been waiting for this appointment for weeks, the woman seems very nice. I think if it weren't tomorrow I might burst. Someone besides me and this blog needs to know about this hell inside my head. I spent all day slightly worried that I might start crying and blabbing to a stranger on the street.

In the same area I have my current job I'm applying to a few different restaurants. I have an interview tomorrow at one of them and I'm waiting to hear back from the others. I also have a phone interview tomorrow with a news company that might pay me to actually use my skills in journalism. wahoo!

My face looks ridiculously round and fat, especially when I'm wearing lots winter gear.


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3 comments:

  1. BellaJanuary 5, 2014 at 9:40 PM

    I don't know you well, but I'm proud of you for deciding to talk to someone. It's never easy, but it's so important to get it out. The burden of any mental illness is too much for any one person to carry. Let us know how it goes? And good luck with the interviews, especially the journalism one!

    Take care xx

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  2. missinsanity.January 5, 2014 at 10:37 PM

    jax! <3 this time things should work out better. (chant with me. "no more traffic! no more traffic!") i hope she's wise, and gives you good things to consider. and hey, there's nothing wrong with babbling to strangers on the street. i've been on the receiving end of that before. some people feel better being honest with strangers because they'll never run into them again. (hopefully.)

    that restaurant... they should hire you, not only because you'd be a great employee, but because you're totally cool. if not, i'm sure one of the others will. and woah. a news company. you're really doing well! i'm so proud of you~

    keep your chin up, pretty girl. i'm sure you're still as beautiful as ever. take care, friend xx

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  3. missinsanity.January 8, 2014 at 7:10 PM

    for you, dear jackie, i'd be glad to recommend a few books. i'm glad you enjoyed life-size. it's a good book, it's just tricky figuring out how to read it in public. (dang covers, always giving me away.) but first, do you want any specific genre? or any set of good books?

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