The less you eat, the less you have to purge. It's a nice way to look at things when all you can think about is food and the lack of it. At least when I'm hungry my legs start to feel thinner, my thighs look just a little smaller in my dark-wash jeans that used to be too tight. Though I'm sure they're only looser from wearing them so much, it would take more than 5 pounds to make a real difference.
All weekend with my family I focused on staying away from food as much as possible. I ate only when others were eating, and ate in small quantities (mostly, I had too much pizza for lunch on Friday.) Everything that wasn't under 200 calories I purged. Of course I can never get everything back up, but I'm getting better at it. Practice makes perfect, they say.
On the drive home today I almost threw up from car sickness. So we stopped for hamburgers, a logical solution to my brother and my dad. They both had the burgers, I had a grilled cheese and cream soda, full calories. I got most of it up, but didn't want to take too long in the bathroom. Then my dad and I went to see the Hobbit. I had some popcorn during the pre-views and purged that, too. The rest of the movie I drank my diet coke and chewed winter fresh chewing gum. I used to hate diet coke, but now it makes me feel like a true girl-on-a-diet. The fake sugar and carbonation feel like such a rush.
I've been reading The Passion of Alice by Stephanie Grant, another eating disorder book, this one set in a recovery unit in 1984. The book is funny because you never know much about the narrator, mostly about her relationships with the other patients. No one's inner thoughts are discussed in too much detail, it's mostly about their actions and interactions. The book is okay, but I don't think I'll ever read it again.
I changed the passcode on my phone to my next goal weight. Every time I want to use my cell phone I get a little reminder of how much weight I have to lose. So far I think it's helping.
i did the same thing a few months ago. my password is my goal weight, haha. but i'm not sure how much it's helping. oh wow, i just remembered unwell by leslie lipton. i just finished it two weeks ago. it was pretty good. i understand how you feel about diet soda. i love sprite zero. (i just love sprite in general.) but be careful with the purging. <3 sorry about the car sickness, that's never fun. nausea is just... horrible.
ReplyDeletethe potluck was pretty weird. they ended up having so much food that they told me they didn't need my rice, which just caused a horrible binge when i got home. it was so humiliating.
anyway, don't freak about classes! i'm doing enough of that for the both of us, trust me, haha. remember, every pound makes a difference. (so five pounds is major.) take care of yourself, little bookworm xx