I don't think I wanna live like this anymore. it's been nearly a year since I began this blog (it was originally a new years resolution) and I haven't made any progress. yes, I lost 20 pounds this year. but I gained it all back. I weighed myself at my grandmother's house today, which is the where I weighed myself last year when I decided I needed to take more drastic weight loss measures. and guess how much? 147. yes. I gained 17 pounds since the beginning of October.
Then I decided not to eat much for Thanksgiving dinner. I had probably about a third of what I would have eaten if I hadn't weighed myself just before. Then I drank another glass of wine instead of dessert. I'm proud to have eaten less than 800 calories on Thanksgiving day. But that doesn't make up for the bottomless binges I've been having for almost a month. I'm so depressed, and all I want to do is eat.But I don't wanna live like that anymore. I wanna be thin so they'll notice me. I wanna be thin so I can be comfortable in my own skin. I wanna be thin so I can be happy.
problem is, I can't do anything right at all.
Oh hun, I'm so sorry about all that, I really am! You're such a lovely person, you definitely deserve better. I really don't know what to say in addition to my previous comments on your blog. Maybe you should really think about counselling.
ReplyDeleteI hope you do decide what you are going to do soon and that whatever it is, it makes you feel better.
Oh no no no no. You're such a lovely person I'm so sorry to see you're in such a horrible place. The self- discipline will come, I know it. You can do it, just try and constantly remind yourself of your goals, of how much better you'll feel when you're lighter.
ReplyDeleteYou can do this Jackie. You're so beautiful just as you are though.
it's almost winter break, you'll have plenty of time to clear your mind, keep your head up you're almost there;)
ReplyDelete