Home and Away

I had such a good time on the fall retreat. I love being with that group of people.
also- remember boat cruise guy? the one I was obsessing over? I'm over him. completely.
but! I found a new guy to obsess over. We can can call him prep, because he went to prep school. yeah. he even rows crew and live in New Hampshire. I love that. it's so cool. We went swimming at midnight in the freezing lake together and then later when we were sitting together around the fire to get warm he put his arm around me. everyone noticed and was asking me questions, but I didn't know what happened anymore than they did.
girls who I hang out with ask me how do you get all these guys? and I just laugh and say oh, just being my charming self. honestly, I think I just try harder. but I think what they mean to ask with that question is how do you, of all people, manage to flirt with cute boys? you're so ugly and fat and uninteresting.


and look at this lovely middle school-style note I received:

I think it was prep that wrote it. but I also feel like it was a joke by someone. just to see how I would react. or to make me feel better about myself since they knew I'd never have a real secret admirer. I don't know.

I saw pictures from the trip and I look absolutely horrendous. I need to lose some serious weight! I'm doing Giovanni's which is on my "Where I'm Going" page at the top. today is 300, not counting fruit. I had an apple so far.

my suite mate left. She went back to Maine. it really stinks because she was the one who I got along with best. she is so cool and she had bulimia in high school so she understands what I'm going through. she'd ask me how I was doing and actually get it. and she and I were the only ones who'd had a serious relationship before in my suite so she would talk to me about that a lot. it was just a nice friendship. I'm gonna miss her so much.

plus, I'm worried about what's gonna happen to her. She's in a bad relationship and she's not going to school. I'm so fearful for her future. But I know God has a plan for her life, and He will find a way to touch her heart through all this. I just wish there didn't have to be this period of pain in between now and then.

I think I'm gonna go eat something low cal in the dining hall. the whole starve binge thing WILL NOT HAPPEN this week. I'm gonna restrict in a logical way. and everything will be perfect. here we go.