i've been:
eating far too much- I had almost 1700 calories yesterday. and it's like that's the new norm. I think I need to restrict again. no. I know I need to restrict again. but I'm too emotionally weak to not eat. (that's not an excuse... I'm just a failure)
exercising far too little- I haven't been to the gym in the month of October. yeah. I suck. I have run outside quite a bit, but I need to do it with regularity. no one looks good without hard work, and I haven't been putting in proper effort.
flirting with too many boys- people think I'm going out with 3 different boys. that's how disgustingly flirty I've been. I'm addicted to feeling beautiful, even if it's fake.
avoiding the one who actually likes me- prep is so nice. and he really like me, which I don't understand at all. he's so perfect but he's ruining his image by putting his arm around my fat shoulders. I want to yell at him to go find someone beautiful, but I'm much too selfish for that.
lying to everyone- my family, my friends, it needs to stop. I want them to respect me, so I don't tell them the truth about where I go and what I do and what I eat.
(including myself) -telling myself it's going to be okay when it obviously won't be. telling myself I'm beautiful when I'm not. you get the idea.
making too many plans- I have so much stuff going on. work, school, the paper, friends, dates, church, family. blah blah blah. I'm busy. but I also have so many things I want to do!
procrastinating too much- yeah. I need to stop doing that.
ignoring what's most important to me- I need to start reading the word more and praying more often. my relationship with God is the most important part of my life, but I keep letting other things get ahead on the list. I need to prioritize.
failing all my school work- I don't get it. I work hard and get terrible grades. why is everyone else so much smarter than me?
see why I'm worthy of so much hate?
Things will get better, you just have to get motivated again. I know that I need to do exactly the same thing. Things are overwhelming and everything feels so hard so I know exactly where you're coming from.
ReplyDeleteYou're not a failure and you are beautiful.
xx
you're not worthy of the hate, you just think you are. stop saying negative things. start being positive.
ReplyDeletemaybe you should make sure god is first. then won't everything else follow?
i don't know much about any god or any religion, but isn't humility an important characteristic to have?
"Humility isn't thinking less of you, it's thinking of you less."
I do exactly the same thing so I know how you feel. Well, except the flirting bit. I can't stand to flirt because I'm so ugly I don't deserve to do it or to get the attention of guys. That's why I like older men, because they are "safe", too old for there to be any sort of romantic thing going on.
ReplyDeleteOnce you get to work and start losing weight the motivation will come back, that's how it's always worked for me! Don't give up!