confusion

I promised myself last night when I wanted to eat so bad that I would eat an apple at 8 am. But now it's 10 am and I still haven't eaten anything. I just feel like eating would waste all this effort. I don't know. is this wrong or not?
anonymous, if I know you in real life, I'm sorry. You shouldn't be reading this, though.

I decided that as extra motivation I will rent The Notebook if I manage to make it to tomorrow morning without breaking this fast. but that shouldn't be all that hard as the thought of chewing food makes me feel like a complete failure. But then again, I'm afraid of the damage of not eating, too. Like muscle loss and the possible binge that will follow. I just don't know.

**EDIT

I ate at noon. I had a slice of the banana bread my father sent me. I literally cried in the kitchen as I tried to decide if I wanted to eat it. and then I thought about how much I love my dad and I ate it.
then I went to class and tried to focus.
when I got back from class I ate goldfish (bad) and gummy bears (very bad)
then I went shopping on Newbury Street for the first time and shopped in my shell-shocked grief. 62 hours? am I crazy? or am I weak?
then I had a grilled cheese and frozen yogurt with a friend I met up with. It was really good.
Even though my stomach is stretched from all this eating, I feel so emotionally empty. I feel like I wasted so much time worrying about food and so much willpower by eating it. but I also feel like a crazy dumbass. I can't decide how I feel at all.

I have a million things to do tonight. and a million things to do tomorrow as well. I have 2 classes, my first day of work, and I'm meeting California for dinner. (obvi I'm most excited for seeing California. He's playing me a song <3 ) but yet here I am, unable to focus on anything but my weight and how much I eat/ exercise. I'm an absolute mess.

thanks for the concern, Clear Girl. But I've always had this ana mentality. she would have found me one way or another.