I missed my class this morning. and then spent the rest of the morning crying about it. I feel like such a baby, but I honestly can't stop crying. it's awful. I think this proves that I am not mature enough to handle being on my own or making my own decisions. Seriously, I don't think I'm cut out to be a journalist. I'm not cut throat enough.
Last night I skipped dinner but still ate like 300 calories worth of chocolate. fail.
And I watched the documentary Jesus Camp with my atheist suite mate who kept asking me what the religious stuff meant. I told her everything she wanted to know even though now I feel like such a loser. She's got this thing about her that makes you want to give her everything just so she'll like you. I don't know why her approval means so much to me. I wish it didn't.
I got my period this morning which definitely didn't aid me in my attempts to stop balling my eyes out. I weighed in and I weigh 137, the highest I've been in months. I've been on a plateau, staying right around 132-134 since May, which has been really frustrating but I knew it was my own fault. But now it looks like I'm gaining and I cannot let that happen. So I'm kicking into high gear and I'm gonna get down to 118 by Christmas.
If I'm gonna fail college, I'm not gonna fail myself with this weight loss.
Skipping dinner and then eating chocolate reminds me of something I would do. It makes no sense really.
ReplyDeleteI've been on a plateau of the same weight for nearly two weeks. I can't imagine a few months though. Then again I was stuck gaining weight from around May until July.
xo
don't trust the scale when it's that time of the month, it'll just depress you.
ReplyDeletetrust me. i know.
stay strong, jacks. <3
I HATE irrational safe foods. Chocolate seems to be a big one for a lot of people so you certainly aren't alone here!
ReplyDeleteSorry about the new high weight, but its probably period bloat. which sucks while it lasts, but will be gone within the week!
You won't fail college, you are a bright, beautiful, kind person. You just have to stop letting other people's opinions have such an influence on you! Do things for yourself. Get your mojo back!