Alone with my calories

So. Guess who broke the goodness streak? me! hahah, some streak of one day

I started out good, a glass of pomegranate juice for breakfast (100). And then guess what happened? We got the day off school for a measly 2 inches of snow. Normally, I would rejoice for such luck, but I spent the whole night studying for my stats exam yesterday. I was so ready. And now I'll be too lazy to study on Sunday and I'll fail. This blows.

My family was gone today, they went to some party. I didn't go because I knew there would be lots of tempting sodas and snacks (good jackie, good choices!) but then of course that meant I was home alone.

In my aloneness, I (stupidly) decided to make myself some food since I was so so so hungry. I was good, I only had an apple with some 35 cal cheese (90+35). but then, the inevitable happened. I got gluttonous and everything started looking delicious. I ate like 20 croutons (croutons? croutons? who the fuck eats croutons by themselves? me. only fat disgusting me.)(200), the rest of the quaker mini ranch rice cakes (210), a whole cup of strawberry fro-yo (280), and some more juice (100).

When I'm alone I somehow always manage to slip into the mindset that if no one sees me eat then it won't count. Of course it counts! I hate hate hate my bad habits. And though I hate to add it up, grand total today is 1,015. yup. I suck.

The thing is, half my brain is telling me that isn't that much. But the rational half is screaming at me that I shouldn't have eaten anything today. At least I did some circuit training, yoga, and I shoveled the snow (560) Why am I such a fuck up at everything?? I just want to fully commit to this without any distractions. Just focus on the beauty.