online

stayed up yesterday (or I guess this morning) until 4:30. then I got up at six to take a shower and get ready. the stupid thing is, I had my midterms today. I fell asleep during my law final (oops) and again on the bus home.
why was I up so late? chatroulette. I know. it's stupid. but they call me beautiful. and that's all I really want. They day "hey gorgeous" and I get a little glow. it's like drugs.
There was a guy I talked to for about 3 hours (until 4:30 am) and he said I was the prettiest girl he ever met. I know that's a lie, but I love those sorts of lies. I never said a word, I just let him talk and nodded. He guessed my name after about a zillion tries. And every time I smiled he would say "there it is. I love that smile. you're so beautiful when you smile"
it's all angles and make up and lighting. You can be beautiful online if you just know the tricks. of course, I have to be careful not to let any of my body show. I'm too fat. even for the ones that just want to see my boobs. I tell them, "yeah right" but I'm really thinking that they wouldn't call me pretty anymore if they saw. they would know how fat and ugly I am underneath the secrets and make up and carefully selected clothing. I couldn't handle being ugly in real life and online too.