new

I'm cycling.

I was so resolved to do this

then I lost the resolve, all my motivation

now I have it back, it feels so good

I'm back on my mission and this time I'm going to stay on it.

I have no idea what I weigh. but I don't care. right now the goal is going to be for someone to comment on how good I look. I know that's a big goal, pretty far off, but that's what I want

I heard my aunt and my cousin talking about my cousin's best friend. apparently she's ana. when I heard that I decided that I need to do this. I'll be beautiful and people will care about me if I'm in trouble. 

I know it sounds terrible, but I want to be screwed up. that way some one will put me back together and fall in love with me in process. I'm screwed up now, but not in ways they notice. and no one wants to fix an ugly fat girl anyway.